The Singles Market

This is a peek into my experience with the arranged marriage process

My story of how I entered the singles market is very simple. My attempts of finding a guy on my own had been a complete failure and when my opportunities of meeting new people drastically came down, I entered the arranged marriage scenario semi-voluntarily (needed the convincing of a dear friend ofcourse). At first I thought, “How hard could it be?” turns out, VERY!

I frantically searched for photos of me in sarees and salwars, gave a lot of thought and wrote a half decent write-up about myself and voila, just like that, my profile was up on a ‘famous’ matrimonial site. This past year, I have tried all avenues of arranged marriage; traditional sites which is a dump yard of single men and women, modern sites that are supposed to take a personalized approach aimed at simplifying the search process and also not to mention, the trending dating apps for people looking for something long term (no.. not tinder).  

One of the things about meeting random people is the kind of people you get to meet. I always called myself the freak-magnet and hence I have attracted some odd weirdos in this entire process. If I sit and think about it, I can categorize the men I have met.

Disclaimer: This categorization is purely based on my experience of interacting with some men and profile screening. No offence to the serious men out there. There might be stories on the other side of the coin too, I’m not denying that. This is not a male bashing post :).  

I.         The Cold-Feet

For these kind of men, everything seems all fun, exciting and nice. He tries to woo you and says all the right words. He even makes you feel like a college girl. When things start becoming serious, he utters the word “cold feet” casually in the conversations. These are my favorite kind of men. Of course, they are the wrong kind of men any girl should get attracted to. As for me, I have been generous with these cold-feet men, giving them the benefit of doubt, only to realize that cold feet is just a fancy term for fear of commitment.

Maybe they didn’t completely understand what the word “marriage” meant. They probably signed up on these matrimonial sites just to find someone to casually date or someone they can have a live-in relationship with.

Ladies, if a guy ever mentions the word, “cold feet”, take the nearest emergency exit and run because somewhere in this whole process he is going to run :) .

II.       The Overly Attached

These are the ones who start planning a future with you in the first 10 minutes into the conversations. They also wouldn’t probably let you talk, so it’s mostly listening in a conversation. Needless to say, you know you are having your first and last conversation.

III.      The Orthodox NRIs

The market is filled with plethora of America maapilais (English: Grooms) and you are going to talk to one or several of them. Most eligible profiles, at least the profiles I seem to find an interest in, are these America mappilais. You might think that they are progressive in their thinking and that’s where the twist is; all you have to do is look for the keyword traditional, or orthodox in their profiles. They are looking for women who can be a wife who is career oriented, a mother, a nurse (you know to take care of parents, it’s always mentioned in their profiles), a chef, a housemaid and not to mention ­a god-fearing perfect daughter-in-law. Basically, their need is simple; all they want is a superhero.

Fortunately I could never fit their bill :) Thank god for that.

IV.       The Independent Ones

These are the men who drive their own searches which is a huge deal in this arranged marriage scenario. I presumed that these men are independent, modern men hailing from progressive families and are looking to settle down. *WRONG* Most of these men (not all),  are on these sites just to get their parents off their backs and they are doing this under a condition that they do it on their own terms, ergo the self-managed profiles. These, more or less, circle back to the men who are looking to casually date or have a live-in relationship ... on a matrimonial site.

V.        The Friend

These are the nice men. They are genuine, courteous, honest, open and smart. The kind that a girl would want. Here’s the glitch. Neither of you feel the chemistry and see it click yet you still have great conversations. At the end of it, you mutually decide to remain friends and you end up being each other’s shoulder of comfort in this whole arranged marriage process.

That’s right. I made a friend too. :)

One thing I’ve noticed in general is that, most families emphasize on how the girl should adjust and change. In this day and age, giving a girl a list of things she must comply with after marriage is … so not cool bro. A woman is trying to form new relations and is not expecting to be recruited into the family organization. It’s time to understand that adaptation works both ways and it is just not the girl who needs to adapt to the changes.

After all this drama, the hope is that you meet a decent person who makes this painful search a worthwhile effort. Only time will tell…  

~ THE SEARCH IS STILL ON ~